The toughest place for women to plant the flag of equality is in our own home, starting with the way we raise our children, interact with our mate, talk about ourselves in the mirror, or allow friends, family, and institutions to blame or shame us. After decades of putting ourselves in second place at home and work, we often find “being secondary” has become a habit that’s hard to break, because so many people expect it of us.

For fifty years, Cheryl and I have navigated our domestic, social, and business worlds, without the psychological and fiscal support of a husband, son, or live-in male, and still managed to have rewarding home lives and successful careers. We know many smart, kind, and talented men. We’ve also encountered many male coworkers and bosses who sexually harassed, physically attacked, or verbally denigrated us during the decades when HR stood for nothing more than human resilience.

Our experiences have crystalized for us the way in which society mobilizes money, power, and sex to keep women, lesbian and straight, unequal and on a short leash.

Like the horse, with whom we women share a special bond, women can be hurt but not broken. Once women realize how and why we continue to surrender our equality, park our power, and even forego our own sexual satisfaction, we’ll Grab It Back!

Pam McKissick and Cheryl Gregory have been partners for twenty-eight years. They live, write, and ride on their horse ranch in the Midwest.